Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Debate Like A Gunloon

You, too, can debate like a gunloon. Just follow these easy steps:

1. Pluck the fruit from the cherry tree.Be sure to point out Chicago's gun laws did not work, despite homicides declining from 1990 (851) to 2009 (458), because there were 510 homicides in 2008.
2. There is no difference between the US and Columbia. When confronted with international statistics on gun control/gun violence--wisely note that Columbia has tough gun laws. IOW, pretend first world nations don't exist.
3. Make perfect the enemy of good. Any gun control law must, as a minimum, guarantee the absolute safety of everyone, anywhere, for all time. Note the converse does not hold true: lack of gun laws don't matter to public safety.
4. All science is biased against guns. It is an established truth that institutions like Harvard, Stanford, Johns Hopkins, CDC and the AMA will publish studies saying whatever you desire, if you pay them.
5. Use quotes from famous people, even if they never uttered them. If you are accused of using a bogus quotation, merely narrow your eyes and coolly respond, "Well, that's what they were thinking." Remember, use of full context or complete quotations is biased as well.
6. Literal is for thou, not thee. When a gungrabber uses a figure of speech such as "rivers of blood" or "Wild West"--be sure to point out Main Street looks nothing like the Mississippi and make snarky comments about Wyatt Earp. However, if an NRA Board Member talks about shooting police officers or repeats racial slurs--it's just a figure of speech.
7. See no evil. Nobody has ever been to a gunshow and seen racist materials. Further, none of your friends (or you) has ever used a gun improperly or in an unsafe manner.


  1. How to debate guns like Jade:

    1. Make broad sweeping generalizations that show disdain and ignorance, relying on stereotypes, anecdotes, and ignoring the criminal element.

    2. If a crime, accident, or other event occurs that involves a gun, a CCW holder is guilty. Mark his words.

  2. You crack me up. Though I must say your advice to pro-gun people is just as valid and sensible as your series of *snicker* advice posts to anti-gun groups.

    But what the hell ... you put another ball on the T, so I'll smack it out of the park for you ...

    1. Those are facts. Homicides dropped pretty much everywhere, including in pro-gun cities. Gun control had nothing to do with it.

    2. Yes, other first world nations do exist. and they had lower murder rates than the US BEFORE they initiated gun control, and in some cases their murder rates have gone up. Gun control doesn't help. A murderer with no gun is still a murderer.

    3. Nope. BS. But any gun control law must do more to save lives than endanger them in both the short term (criminals) and the long term (civil right/empowered citizenry). The ones being fought for by anti-gun groups don't pass this test. Sorry.

    4. They certainly do a lot of bad research, mostly because anti-gun groups fund it. There's plenty of good science, though, and it's all pro gun.

    5. Plenty of American founders spoke in favor of arms, an armed citizenry, and the right of revolution. Throw out a few quotes you doubt and we still have a whole lot left over. Like the 2nd amendment itself.

    6. Of course that happens. It's how all debate in this country happens. Pro-gunners can say the same thing about anti-gunners. Duh!

    7. Yes ... there are a few bad people at gunshows. And many thousands times more good people. There are also really bad people at Wal Mart. Bad people go pretty much everywhere, if you haven't noticed (though with the democrats in power the greatest concentration is currently in D.C.)

    Thanks for playing again! I'm just curious ... is this all some kind of weird online theater you're doing or do you really take yourself seriously?

  3. It is my hope that the Brady Campaign hires Jade to replace Paul Helmke.

    Paulie has lost his will to fight. It gets boring beating him to a pulp on HuffPo every day.

  4. Anon left out an important Jadeism:

    3. The NRA is small and insignificant. The NRA is all powerful and the source of all evil. Switch back and forth as needed, sometimes even in the same thread.

  5. Jade: “1. Pluck the fruit from the cherry tree.Be sure to point out Chicago's gun laws did not work, despite homicides declining from 1990 (851) to 2009 (458), because there were 510 homicides in 2008.”

    That is rich. Jade uses those same numbers (applied to the whole country mind you) to claim how we need more gun control.