Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Patrick Butts: NRA-Certified Cheeto Slayer


Patrick Butts-Defender of Cheetos
Soooo, yesterday, we discovered Patrick Butts likes to have a couple of drinkypoos while he's carrying his manhood firearm around.

Basically, Buttsy boils it down to a choice of being either sober or safe.   This implies that safety can only be had by carrying a gun.  And if one chooses to drink or drug, the safety benefit of carrying a firearm far outweighs being impaired.  Let's work with that premise for a bit.

Obviously, safety is very, very important to Patrick Butts.  We know this because he's of the belief carrying a gun while impaired is worth the risk.  In fact, he's quite willing to accept the risk of possibly harming others while impaired because he strongly believes a gun will keep him safe.

Isn't it odd, though, that someone who dearly reveres his own personal safety looks a beached whale?  Seriously, it isn't some crazed attacker that the Butterball need fear--it's his own two meathooks diving into a Cheetos bag.


  1. Mikeb302000:

    I know when I mow my lawn that the critters that skitter out from under the shed and suchlike are pretty fierce buggers. I'm not so sure that a handgun, even a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, packs enough punch to deal with such brazen herbopredators as Marmota Monax.

    I'd recommend that Mr. Butts rent himself a dvd of "Caddyshack" and emulate Carl the Greenskeeper's formula for protecting the greensward from the depredations of marmotofascists.

    In the meantime perhaps a mower mounted Barrett MRAD...

  2. Pickles are best enjoyed with a boiled egg and toast. What do you think, Democommi?

  3. Once the major lacunae in gun control laws are remedied, I think we'll have to take a good look at the weight problem of some of these gun owners. When the slightest bit of physical exertion is out of the question, wouldn't they be more likely to misuse the gun? Running away, escaping, retreating are all but impossible for these guys. Of course that suits them just fine, they didn't get the gun in the first place in order to NOT use it.